15 Things I Didn't Learn in Kindergarten

Most of what I really need

To know about how to live

And what to do and how to be

I learned in kindergarten.

Wisdom was not at the top

Of the graduate school mountain,

But there in the sand pile at Sunday school. 

 ~  Robert Fulghum

Sounds good, right?  We have all heard this poem at some point, usually at a graduation or some lecture on inspiration or perhaps in church.  It all sounds really nice and easy.  But life is often not nice or easy.  Sometimes it's messy.  Sometimes life is confusing and strange.  

When I first left the States to live in the Middle East I remember thinking I have no skills.  School did not prepare me for this.  I didn't learn how to live in the Middle East, survive a strange culture or even order dinner in Arabic in kindergarten.  But after 8 years in the Middle East I can say that I have gained a new set of skills.  A set of skills that they didn't teach me in school.  

So here it is, Things I Didn't Learn in Kindergarten:

1. Arabic-ميليسا  Growing up no one, least of all me, thoughtthat I would need to learn Arabic.  Spanish, yes...even French was on the list, but not Arabic.  And yet I sit here today wishing I had learned it in school.  Cause learning it when you are an adult, well....not so easy.  

2.  How to mime -  Yes that is right...I said it...and I've done it.  Miming is a valuable skill when living overseas and you haven't quite mastered the language.  I guess I should say it is the ability to mime and not be embarrassed.  Cause when you want to buy chicken and you don't know how to say chicken in Arabic, the only think you can do is act like a chicken.  


3. Cleaning - I not only learned how to clean my entire house with only a buck of water, some soap and a squidgy, but I learned how to have a blast doing it.


4. The difference between smoke and tear gas.  Growing up in America I never imagined that I would learn the skill of telling the difference between white smoke and white tear gas, but here I am so happy I now possess this skill.


5. The ability to fain an allergy at any given moment.  Let's say someone puts a bowl of what looks like something someone has already chewed up, grey and mushy, in front of you.  If you don't eat it you will offend the host, but you are afraid if you eat it you will not be able to keep it down.   What do you do?  Simple, find out what is in it and then say you are allergic to one of the ingredients.  Which leads to my next one....


6. How to lie.  That's right you heard me...LIE.  See in kindergarten we are taught to always tell the truth.  That a lie, no matter how small, is a still a lie.  Well, although I still believe that you shouldn't lie most of the time, I have had to learn how to lie when there is a need for it.  For example when you are sitting in the secret police office with your pastor's wife and you tell them that she is your sister.  Or when your dear friend brings you what can only be the most bizarre (hello kitty) coo coo clock and you tell her you love it.

7. How to decipher the truth from the news.  one of the most important lessons I learned over the past eight years living in the Middle East is that news has a way of creating unnecessary fear. Arabs are beautiful people groups that are a joy to get to know, even if they don’t always get along with each other.  Safety is a valid concern, but I would have missed out on so many beautiful people and experiences had I allowed fear to dictate my journey.  The news shouldn't stop you from going.

8. There is importance in numbers.  The badness of the situation is directly proportionate to the number of helicopters you see or hear.  Just like in the movies, the more there are the worse it's going to be. 

9. The hair flip.  The right kind of hair flip, strategically placed in just the right moment, can assist a girl when talking with the immigration officer, the secret police, the man at the drivers licence office or even at that bank.  This is a valuable skill that should not be left out.

10. Understanding strange or unclear directions.  In school we are taught that you turn right, turn left or go straight.  We learn street names and to go north, south, east or west.  But what if you live somewhere that doesn't have street names and your friends don't know how to give directions the way you learned.  Then you end up with directions that sound like: "My house is not in the village, but in the housing next to the prep school for girls exactly, a big house with beige color and many trees, I will meet you next to the sandy compound" or "go straight and take the abbreviated road and my house there."  Yes those are direct quotes from some of my friends.  And yes I eventually found their houses.  But if I had learned how to understand these kinds of directions I wouldn't get lost nearly as much.

11. How to use a squaty potty without getting anything on you or falling down in the process. Not as easy as it sounds.

12. The ability to distinguish between spiritual warfare and just a really bad day.  Satan is not always out to get you, there aren't little demons waiting around every corner, and civil uprising isn't always a sign that you are doing what God wants and Satan is angry at you.  Sometimes a headache is just a headache, a car accident is just a car accident and civil uprisings are just that.  But...sometimes they are more and it is important to know the difference.

13. The difference between American tourist and American military.   Pop quiz, ready?

 - American military wear? (Nikes and jeans)   American tourist wear? (Nikes and shorts)     

 - American military have? (Sunglasses and backpack)  American tourist have? (Sunglasses and fanny pack)  

 - American military listen to? (country music) American tourist listen to? (travel warnings)

14. How to stare.  In America we are taught that it is not nice to stair, especially at someone who is different or strange.  But here it is the opposite.  It is perfectly OK, and even expected, for someone to stair at people who are different then them.  When I first got here I used to get stared at a lot, but now I do the staring.  Funny how we change.

15. How to be all things to all people, or at least all things to some people.  What do I mean?  You learn how to give up your Americaness and embrace the new culture so that you can share truth with those who don't know.  What you wear, what you eat, where you live, how you speak, where spend your time, what you do can and should all change to reach those around you.  As Paul wrote "I became all things to all people so that some might be saved."  Becoming all things is hard and reaching all people is even harder, but I can become all things to some people. And I have been sent here to do just that.