I'm Not There

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."

~ Jane Howard

Living overseas is such a blessing.  You get to see and experience new things all the time.  You have the opportunity to meet new people and learn about new cultures.  I have often said that I am living the dream.  I never struggled with leaving America to live and work here.  And then....

March 24th I got the email.  Mom was in the ER and would probably be admitted for tests.  She had been in pain for several months and it was progressively getting worse.  I soon discovered that mom was bleeding internally and had several different infections.  She hadn't really been out of bed for over a month and was having difficulty walking even a few steps due to the pain in her back.  Over the next two weeks I got daily updates from my sister.  Mom wasn't improving and they had found multiple blood clots in her legs.  

Here life seemed to go on as if nothing was happening.  But for me it had become just going through the motions.  Get up...check my messages, go to work...check email, come home...call Dad, try to sleep but keep the phone so you can hear it and keep the message alerts on so you don't miss anything.  I found myself distracted in a way I had never been before.  I wasn't really here and I wasn't there.  So I made the decision to go home and be there.  Thanks to a Godly man I had never meet, who worked for United Airlines and knew some of my co-laborers, I was able to get on as employee standby ticket and leave within 24 hours of making the decision to go.  My sister decided not to tell anyone I was coming so that we could surprise my parents.  I just prayed they wouldn't have heart attacks when they saw me.  After 3 layovers, one missed flight, and 33 hours I was sitting in my sister's living room hearing the latest update on Mom.  

The next morning as I walked into the room in cardiac ward of Cape Coral Hospital I was tired and nervous.  Mom looked so small, with tubes and wires attached everywhere.  This woman, who had taken care of me when I was sick or hurt, who had taught me how to cook, who had been at every play, graduation, speaking event she could, now needed me.  The next 10 days were spent at the hospital with Mom.  While I was there the doctors found a sever infection in her L3/L4 disks that was causing the pain and began antibiotic therapy, her other infections began clearing up and she began physical therapy.  The doctors were getting ready to release her and send her to a rehabilitation center to get her meds and physical therapy she needed.  

 
After 10 days I got on a plane and returned to my life here.  I left as I had so many times before, but this time was different.  This time I struggled.  I didn't struggle with comeing back here, but leaving there.  For the first time I can remember I was torn between two lives, being a worker and being a daughter.  I love being here and I wouldn't change my life.  But now.... I'm not there.